Last night, I dreamt of brownies. Chewy, fudge-iced, perfect brownies. I don’t remember eating it in my dream, and I have no particular craving for it now, but desserts are starting to invade my sleep and I’m not cool with the idea that my subsconscious brain is such a goddamn tease. 

It was St. Patrick’s Trivia Night at the office this evening, and there were plenty of snacks. Chips, bean dip, artichoke dip, a cheese tray, and green beer. With a sweeping gesture, I said to a coworker who knows I’m doing this, “Look at all of the things I cannot eat!” She laughed.

If I wasn’t doing Whole30, I would have idly nibbled on the Triskets and cheese, but with all of it being off limits, I was forced to contemplate whether I actually wanted any of it. And the honest answer, which shocked me, was no. But I did grab a plum from our fruit stash.

I didn’t stay to socialize once trivia was over. If I wanted to have dinner, I couldn’t do it there, making do with the snacks. Whole30 once again butts heads with having a social life.

Back in my own neighborhood, I went to the grocery store without a shopping list since I had nothing in the house but some odds and ends that didn’t really make sense together. I mean, I guess I could have done a skillet with potatoes and mushrooms, but I was really craving a salad. I found this Whole30 compliant salad dressing while wandering around the produce section. It was an exciting moment, finding a salad dressing that I could eat!

Olivia is silently passing judgment in the background, as is her custom.

Whole30 Menu: Day 12


  • Prosciutto egg cup
  • Kiwi fruit


  • Sweet potato chili (leftovers)
  • Sea salt plantain chips
  • Snack tomatoes


  • Almond butter (eaten straight from the packet)
  • A plum


  • Salmon fillet baked with orange juice, garlic, and fresh ground pepper
  • Spring green salad with tomatoes, red onion, and Tessamae’s cracked pepper vinaigrette

How do I feel?

Aside from waking up mad that I couldn’t eat a brownie, my day was just fine. It’s the first day that I caught myself drinking my clementine-infused hibiscus iced tea thinking, “Man, this tastes good.” When I started out, I was somewhat underwhelmed by the lack of sweetness, but it’s really grown on me. I’ve been sucking that bottle down so fast in the afternoons and despair when it’s empty. With my next pitcher at home, I’m going to leave out the green tea, add whole cinnamon sticks.

I’ve also noticed that my hands have been extra dry. I believe this is an unintended consequence of drinking so much water, which has me running to the bathroom more, which has me washing my hands more. I am more grateful than ever for the giant bottle of shea butter moisturizer that’s on my desk.